Hi Jerry,
I first want to applaud you on writing and publishing your article. As a writer myself, I intimately understand the courage it takes to write about our experiences, especially ones that leave us exposed and vulnerable to the opinions and critiques of others. Although, if you’re anything like me, you’ll agree that it isn’t entirely a matter of courage, rather a lack of choice (to an extent). Writing is a kind of saving grace, isn’t it? A kind of release… relief even, from all the words clouding your headspace, threatening to blow up your mind. Or maybe I’m just borderline crazy. Whatever the case, I appreciate your words, your creativity, and your point of view.
I considered what ideology would be the most relevant to your article. There’s nuero-science which looks at behavioral patterns, memory, development (cell maturity) etc. and could easily explain addictive practices including an addiction to porn and/or masturbation. There’s the nature/nurture theory -that would look at genetics vs environment. Is there a history of addiction in your family? Is your addiction simply as a result of what you’ve been exposed to (from friends, mainstream culture etc)? Then there’s religion, which looks at good versus evil, God versus satan. There is a lot to unpack. And as is with most things in life, it is not just one thing. We are too complex to have just an ideology explain it all. Also, I don’t have an agenda to push -therefore I’m not hell bent on one ideology to prove a point. Rather, I’m interested in providing different perspectives. I’m hoping you’ll get that “oh, I didn’t think of it this way” moment we all sometimes get when pushed outside our own narratives. So, I’ll take it by paragraph.
You began with what would’ve been your initial exposure to porn and masturbation. Since you didn’t give a specific age, I assumed this must’ve been before the age of 18. It is common knowledge that pornography is tailored for/to a specific audience: ages 18 and above. The idea is that they would have achieved a certain level of maturity and awareness that allows for moderate consumption without altering reality and imagination. This is not to say that adults aren’t susceptible to porn addiction. The point is, younger teens are at a higher risk of addiction, simply because they lack anatomical and brain maturity -thus why production companies are legally obligated to give ratings to their production. I wonder if you’ve considered your role in this?, and not to place blame, but to take accountability. As someone who is light years past adolescence (okay, fine. I’m a little more than light years past.), I remember the fascination that sex held. The unknown, the highly guarded secrecy, the “close-your-eyes-where’s-the-remote” remarks every time an on-screen kiss appeared. I get it. Teen-aging is synonymous with rebellion. Doing the opposite of what we are told (even to our own detriment) is all the rave during our teenage years. However, in the unfortunate event of an addiction, porn in this case, do we blame porn and shun the use or consider we might not have been ready for that specific content? How different would your experience and perspective now be, had you waited till you were of age?
As a creative, I see your vision and also very clearly your imagination as a heterosexual (I’m intuiting from your piece) man. However, as a woman, it is rather appalling your very limited view of women and womanhood. One could argue that you never had much respect for females to begin with. Sure, porn can cause un-attraction. It is a false alternate universe where guys all have nine inches and women all have boobs the sizes of melons that somehow manage to stay perked. But the idea of respect goes beyond sexual attraction, wouldn’t you say? Women too are consumers of pornography. (In fact, there is a whole discourse around pornography as a tool of empowerment -the basic idea is that women can now self-discover what pleases them and can inform their partners, or be bold to speak out when sex isn’t meeting their needs and expectatons, but I digress). Though both sexes are consumers, it is fairly common to hear a male say “he lost all respect for women.” Rarely do women say the same. Here are some thinking points: was your respect for women the total sum of your attraction after and/or before ejaculaton? What role has Patriarchy played? Perhaps porn spotlighted an ugly truth – that you saw females, specifically your classmates, as just good enough for sex rather than colleagues, competitors, comrades, leaders? If porn had altered your reality and created unrealistic expectations of a woman’s body – essentially removing your sexual attraction towards the females you interacted with, what was left to them? I hope you do answer that, if only to yourself.
Two paragraphs in, and unfortunately, I have to go. But I do want to hear from you. Perhaps, consider answering the specific questions I’ve asked? And soon enough I’ll share my thoughts on the rest of your article. This has been all the fun.
To hearing from you; to healthier approaches to sex; to porn….or not (*i 100% winked),
Your favorite,
girlchild
Featured picture by Ligerian Optic
