I stare in my daughter’s eyes and I get lost, her innocence is the purest thing I have ever seen… She’s a sponge, looking up to me for something to absorb, but I fear my water has been stained -dressed with regret and clothed in pain..
Her small hand in mine as she looks up to me, like I’m the world…HER WORLD. Like Van Gogh, turning empty canvases into rainbow perfections… If not for my tears, my sweaty palms could have reversed the situation… My daughter would play me and I, her… No, I am the victim of my own circumstance. My next move could filter or stain the water even more…
Silently her eyes search mine…Mama??? Like I’m supposed to have all the answers, be the image of flawlessness to assure that her differences are what make her human…I am in love with her low hair that I’m certain will grow with time… Her small white teeth and wide smile…
Then I get even more shaky…my answers could replace her smile with a frown, forever losing sight of those small white teeth… I could harden her heart…put the walls of Jerusalem between us… I could do all that or I could stay silent or I could teach her that imperfection is beauty… She is all I ever prayed for; all I ever wanted. I do not want to be a judge and sentence her to a life she’ll regret… I want to be a witness to the first scar on her knee, her favorite color, her first date, graduation and wedding… I want to be the one who never leaves her hanging…
So as I send a prayer up to God, I get on one knee and look her in the eyes… I tell her I love her… I tell her she is my biggest blessing… I hold her hand and say the same prayer out loud –introducing her to the Man who has all the answers.
Then I say “Love, you bring joy with happiness so sweet. You are my earth, my sun and sky. I’ll be by your side till death do us part. I love you and there is no mountain too high that you cannot climb. I’ll make sure to be there, holding your hand; loving you as you are. Now till forever, my beautiful Starr.”
Authored by Leesha Ginger Greene
Photo by Hillshire Farm on Unsplash
