Looking in the mirror and seeing my reflection just reminded me of all the years that I have protested trying to live up to folks’ expectations instead of mine. I could see how tired, depressed, stressed, and miserable I was. My facial expression reflected happiness, but it’s just a mask that I used to conceal my pains. With all the hallucinations at night, I wonder how I’m still alive. I have beaten myself up repeatedly. I have told myself I’m worthless, and nothing good is attached to my destiny. I let naysayers get to my head. I walked in the streets with my head bent in shame; self-confidence is not part of my nature.
People say that the mirror reflects your bodily features, but my mirror reflects nothing but afflictions and how long I have aged in it. I have scrutinized my body. I want to come out and say that I have a mental disorder and I need a therapist, but welcome to Liberia where these things are taken for granted.
While looking in the mirror, I realized that life isn’t easy at all. I have woken up to days where I’ve felt happy, lonely, broke, lost and of course scared. A lot of mood swings keep my head shaking. I want to scream out loud from the abyss of my heart, but I refrained because I’m afraid that society would judge me.
I have overheard people saying that I’m prideful and selfish without taking a minute of their busy schedules to get to know me better. My escape route from the haters and critics of the world is my bedroom, but then how will I turn my dreams into reality when I keep hiding behind closed doors? Yes, that’s a rhetorical question and I hope that one day, it will be a Q&A occurrence.
I have lived a shadowed lifestyle for ages, but today I refuse to give people the power to discriminate against me. I have God, and He tells me that I’m strong, powerful, and beautiful at all times and in him I find my refuge, peace, and joy. When He’s for me, no one else can be against me. Not to bore you with the story of my life, I leave you with a piece of my heart, and I hope it’s well conveyed.
Authored by: Precelia H. George
Featured Image by: Jernej Graj on Unsplash
I’m proud of you, Precelia.??
Seems like the world ? have finally gotten their creame de la Creame (Best is the Best).
Am grateful that I had the opportunity to read this causes it’s a blessing.