Liberia has a lot of issues and “loving in Liberia” (having a romantic relationship) is no exception to that. In fact, it is one of the hardest things to do as a “typical Liberian” because we all have our traumas from our childhood and or being a Liberian growing up under a post-war climate. In most cases, it’s not that we may not want to voice out our pains and be vulnerable, loved and accepted but may not know how, and have tried so hard to forget whatever damage that has been done that we have convinced our subconscious it never happened or even blamed ourselves along the years. To make matters worse our society has made speaking about childhood trauma a “taboo” making it harder to get it off your chest and easier to take with you into adulthood with all the effects it has on us.
From what I’ve noticed, one out of every three Liberian have issues from their childhood that have or is affecting their past or present romantic relationship in adulthood. Nobody wants to relive a horrible experience so we all jump around from every Tom, Dick, and Harry hoping that this one will love all the pain away. What makes it harder to accept is the fact that people whom we loved or cherished very dearly as kids may be very well responsible for all our traumas.
Most of us have friends, relatives, or friends of our relatives we know that may have been assaulted, abused (sexually, physically, mentally, verbally), abandoned, or even neglected – but were told to “let it go”, “forget it” or never speak of it again by the first person they ever trusted to speak to about it. In some cases, we’re told they are to blame and it has replayed so many times in their minds till they believed it and even lived with all that guilt. As adults, thanks to these unaddressed traumas, we go around with our abandonment issues, trust issues, fear of relationships, abusive mindset, wanting to harbor a toxic relationship and accepting what we were thought to think we deserve all because we were never taught to recognize or even let go of our childhood traumas.
One thing about us Liberians, we are survivors. Despite the adversities of our past we are still in search of love as it is meant to be. As I have lived through my traumas and in this quest of love with a village of other people, some of us have lived dodging all roads that lead to that dreadful past but hope for a brighter future; some of us are still struggling to get over whatever trauma we have lived; and most of us who understand that we have to settle and let go of that past, forgive and love ourselves enough till all the pains go away. Even though it’s hard to let everything go, we all deserve love. We can’t afford to let that be taken too; in our country we’re already deprived enough.
Authored by Rachel Deline
Featured Picture by LiGerian Optics
