Kings, over the course of our lives, we all have, at some point or another, heard concerns from our Queens as to why most of us (African men) show no displays of affection, i.e. being romantic, as compared to our Caucasians counterparts. In this light, have any of us really sat down to muse as to why our women yearn for these romantic attributes? Simple and clear: it is of utmost importance to note that in every relationship, romance is an essential part of producing and strengthening a special bond. This can have a different meanings to different people, but the standard notion is that it is key in forming connections.
Now sisters, have you all ever wondered why the “unromantic” culture among African men has been the status quo from one generation to another? Acts like sending flowers, saying sorry, lighting evening candles, and public displays of affection that have been attributed to men of non-African descent? Does it draw your attention that every African boy is raised with the “cannot be seen as weak’’ syndrome, hence, the intrepid exterior even when they are going through the most challenging times of their lives?
Now let’s look at reality so that we can be of help to one another in breaking these barriers of “unromantic culture” within the African settings. Brothers, from daily observation in our lives, from our fathers to our uncles and older brothers, it has been seen that in most African homes, most men do the “I am the man” thing in order to not be seen as vulnerable to their feelings, especially in the sight of their women. My dear Kings, in actuality, this should never be an issue for any of us, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with a man showing how much he loves and cares for his woman.
I know that in most of our homes, we have seen how our fathers, uncles, and brothers ran their homes as if they were lords and how our mothers, aunties and sisters were just meant to carry out their orders. Because of this so-called “I am the man” trait we witnessed, we young Kings grow into men unable to be affectionate, romantic, and loving towards women and subsequently carry on the cycle of being “the Lord of the home.” NO! This is not the way it should be. You are no Lord, and marrying that woman does not give you the right to make her worship you like one. Young Kings, let us all break free from such notion and be expressive with affections.
I am pretty sure that we all have heard the phrase “the soup that our fathers do not eat, our mothers would not cook/prepare.” This definitely has a lot to do with the manner in which most African men envision their interactions with their women. This, in turn, has led to most African men being violent, controlling, and possessive. Although the African man has been portrayed as violent, controlling, and possessive, Queens, you are the ones who can break this barrier for us Kings by raising the next generation of African men differently and free us from the “unromantic culture.”
As much as our fathers will teach us to grow up with the “I am a man” notion or make us feel that it is a taboo to be expressive and instead bottle up our feelings, our queens will have to take the initiative to be subtle and unrelenting towards their young Kings so that they will grow up knowing how to show their wives all the love and care they need. It is no doubt that most of our women seem to view romance as a state of being, while our men tend to look at it more as a sequence of specific actions. A typical African man believes that nothing is more romantic than building a house for his wife and children and being able provide their immediate needs while our women look at the imaginary fanciful things portrayed to them in Hollywood movies as romantic. With that being said Kings, it is important to be more open to the exact needs of your Queens, and in turn Queen, let your Kings know what it is you want and need.
Authored by Valdemar Reeves
Feature Picture by 123RF Photos