I'm Telling My Story

A few days ago, I decided to do something extremely difficult: publicly speak out about acts of sexual abuse that have been done to me. I chose to do this so other women cannot feel alone and because I believe I’m not the only person my abuser has violated in this manner.

Mohammed Osman and I dated and separated in 2016. During our time together, he coerced me on many occasions to have sex with him. He removed the condom without my knowledge during, which is a form of rape. I noticed it and confronted him but he never admitted it. He has also forced me to have non-consensual anal sex with him (raped me anally) during the course of our relationship. I endured all of that, walked away from that relationship and thought I was done with that hell and would never have to deal with anything of the sort again. 

Unfortunately, he did not allow that to happen. A few months ago, he randomly reached out to me on social media and started harassing me. I told him I knew what he wanted and was not interested in having further conversations. He then replied with a sex tape of me he had recorded without my knowledge and threatened that he will still “hit one day.” It is absolutely insane to me that someone I used to like could act so vile. It’s one thing to consensually record a sex tape, and it’s a different and illegal thing to record someone without them knowing and keeping it for all these years. 

I do not know why he has been keeping this video. His response to my query was one of complete unrepentance and cockiness. “It was something to remember of you, a fantasy,” he said. Fantasy that includes my body. Fantasy I did not permit. As if I’m something that exists purely for his use and abuse.

I am not sure if revenge porn or non-consensual sex tapes are crimes under the Liberian Law but, odds are he will walk free because these are the people who have a network of enablers and protectors who would do anything to protect his image.

I have been angered and overwhelmed by the myriad of sexual abuse stories that have being spread across social media platforms over the last few weeks. I too have a right to not only speak up for others but to also garner the courage and speak up for myself. I previously attempted to share my story on twitter but I let fear get the better of me and deleted it. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, and hurt. But here I am now, stronger by and for other girls like me. After all, it’s the abuser who should be ashamed. 

It is my fervent hope that we hold him and people like him accountable for their actions. This is the usual habit of Liberian men and it needs to stop. Our existing status quo provides them immunity and impunity which allows them to brazenly continue to violate and abuse women and children. This is rape culture and we need to end it. I keep imagining how this video of me that I didn’t know existed could have shown up on the internet at any time and upended my badass feminist life. 

I’m talking about this on this huge platform because I want my shared experience to bring awareness, inspiration and solace to women who have been unfortunate enough to go through something similar. That is my motivation and why I will and cannot be silenced. 

Mohammed is just one of the huge percentage of men who commit sexual assault every day and I want to break the narrative that rapists are bogeymen. They walk among us and are people we sometimes call friends and family. They are our politicians, socialites and celebrities. And they too need to face judgement and reckoning.

Authored by: The Badass Feminist

Featured Image by: Unsplash