Rape Culture, Explained 

Dearest Friends in Online Land,

It has been too long since we last interacted  – you behind your screen reading words that I had written on mine. I have missed you. I have missed us interacting in this way. I would tell you all about what I’ve been up to, but there are far more relevant things we must talk about. So today, I want us to join the conversations around Sexual Exploitation and Abuse (SEA) that have been swirling around the internet. I ask that you read with a certain openness and hopefully learn something new (speaking ambitiously).

Terms meaningful to this article:

• Sexual Abuse: Actual or threatened physical intrusion of a sexual nature, whether by force or under unequal or coercive conditions.
• Sexual Assault: Sexual activity with another person who does not consent. It is a violation of bodily integrity and sexual autonomy and is broader than narrower conceptions of “rape”, especially because (a) it may be committed by other means than force or violence, and (b) it does not necessarily entail penetration. .
• Sexual Exploitation: Any actual or attempted abuse of position of vulnerability, differential power or trust, for sexual purposes, including, but not limited to, profiting monetarily, socially or politically from the sexual exploitation of another.
• Sexual Harassment: any unwelcome sexual advance, request for sexual favour, verbal or physical conduct or gesture of a sexual nature, or any other behaviour of a sexual nature that might reasonably be expected or be perceived to cause offence or humiliation to another, when such conduct interferes with work, is made a condition of employment or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work/living environment. 
• Rape: Penetration – even if slightly – of any body part of a person who does not consent with a sexual organ and/or the invasion of the genital or anal opening of a person who does not consent with any object or body part. 
• Perpetrator/Offender: A person (or group of persons) who commits an act of SEA or any other related offense.
• Victim:  a person who is, or has been, sexually exploited or abused.
• Trauma: damage to the mind, body, or overall well-being that occurs as a result of a distressing event. 

*I have adopted (with minor edits to allow specificity) these definitions -with the exception of Trauma, from the Glossary of Sexual Exploitation and Abuse put 

forth by the United Nations. I heavily urge you to familiarize yourself with the terms and definitions found in this document.

There is no denying the existence of the inhumane culture, that is the Sexual Exploitation and Abuse (SEA) culture, within the Liberian society. The recent multiplicity of victim stories online is further proof. “Rape Culture,” as it is commonly referred to amongst young Liberians, excludes a wide range of harmful behaviors that are just as damaging. So frequently, we hear “bor at least he na rape her”, as if harassment and other exploitative actions are acceptable offenses. They aren’t. Therefore, to be inclusive, SEA will be used in this article as it is a broader umbrella.

The onslaught of these offenses brings on a world of trauma that is inexplicably difficult to navigate and makes the earthly experience of its victims that much more difficult. For a generation run by jargon-ideologies such as YOLO. -you only live once, LMBL -living my best life, & FOMO -fear of missing out, the irony of inflicting harm on others in such degrading ways—thus effectively hurting their chances to live their own best lives—should be lost on no one. This is not to suggest that these horrid actions are not deeply rooted in and promoted by Patriarchy. SEA is “rooted in patriarchy and is a toxic expression of masculinity, that has had a profoundly negative impact on women and girls”.  However, there has never been a more informed generation than ours. We are champions for change and development. We understand, perhaps now more than any other time in history, that we have just this life to live. Yet, young Liberian men continue to take advantage of women and girls in despicable ways. It suggests that as a society, we have not done enough. We haven’t demanded quite loudly, haven’t taken a united stand, or recognized our legal entitlements to a life free of indignities; there is much work to be done.

Offenders:

Clearly understand that sexual offending is a choice. Perpetrators choose to participate in ugly acts regardless of consequences. This distinction perhaps speaks to the sharp contrast of victims’ experiences – they do not get a choice. At some subconscious level, offenders give themselves permission to violate would be victim(s). By normalizing toxic traits as “that’s just how men are”, instilling and conflating violence as masculinity and turning a blind eye, society has also given permission to these atrocities. Offenders need to take accountability for their actions and face consequences -legally, socially, and now, thanks to the millennial era, digitally. The lack of accountability and consequence promote a cycle of acceptance of monstrous behaviors. The thought is ‘if I can do it and get away with it, if he can do it and get away with it, why not?” Society too needs to recognize its role in sustaining this. What are the big or little actions or inactions carried out everyday that allow perpetrators the freedom and comfort to violate others?

It is comforting to think of society as abstract or some large entity beyond ourselves. This allows us to distance ourselves from the problem and not be held responsible. While society is a concept built around certain rules of engagement, society is also very concrete. It is you.

A recent thread of pushback has been “they just don’t know better” -suggesting a lack of education, or “girls like to play hard to get”, -suggesting an unawareness of harmful practices like sexual harassment.  These are excuses with illogical standings. Fundamentally, every person wants and deserves to be treated in a way that upholds their dignity. Having full autonomy over one’s own body is the simplest act toward human dignity. Offenders are humans and therefore are aware of this. They too want to be treated with respect. These violations are not actions they would want to be on the receiving end of, and as it is said in Liberia, “you wouldn’t want it done to your ma, sister, or daughter”. Right and Wrong of abuse can not be painted in shades of gray, or given poor justifications. But just so we are clear: “a thing is right when it tends to preserve the integrity, stability, and beauty of the biotic community. It is wrong when it tends otherwise”. -Aldo Leopold 

Victims:

The inhumane act(s) that a person has had to experience to be identified in this way can only be labelled as criminal.  The lasting trauma and the long, painful road to recovery is an unimaginably difficult process. The gravity of  SEA offenses can not be taken lightly. It is not “no harm, no foul”, it isn’t “bor why she acting like the boy gave her AIDS”.  Additionally, the narrative ‘she is lying’ has to be abolished. The wait for ‘proof’ when a victim names her offender, specifically given our Liberian context where it sometimes takes years for the victim to speak out, is a form of victim shaming. A helpful information to know is “sexual abuse itself often renders victims silent”. It indignifies you, challenges your self-worth and puts you in a difficult position of placing self-blame. Trying to identify in what ways you deserve this, how are you at fault (being drunk, for dating this person, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, for being a child, for being unlovable, for being quiet, for being too loud, for not being smart, for making him angry -the list is unending). The shame and confusion brought on by  SEA often leads to silencing. That is without taking into account offenders’ coercion (in some cases) and society’s mistrust of female voices. It takes enormous courage to speak out. Yet it is important to do so, as it is a key step on the path to recovery.

Speaking out is not limited to online posts. Some people choose to share privately, others publicly, others simply do not have access. Whatever is the case, applauding the victim’s bravery reaffirms the empowerment building process they are engaging in, and reminds victims of their right to choose. They own their bodies, they own their stories, and they get to decide (within the rule of law), how they want to share.

The pre-speak out steps are just as important: Acceptance -that this horrific event has happened, and  Non Blaming – nothing you did caused this occurrence, are examples of what goes on before speaking out. Chances that a woman is false-telling are slim and rare, and can not be the immediate response. Especially when research studies show “the majority of perpetrators of sexual offenses are male”. When we proclaim sentiments of mistrusts, we do damage to the progress victims have made.

Some concrete everyday practices to bring about societal change:

1. Speak Up! – beyond twitter, facebook, instagram etc. Do not be afraid to be the butt of the joke. Do not be afraid to be labelled difficult. Do not laugh with misogyny, instead laugh at it. Call it out. 
2. Engage in meaningful dialogues with your immediate circle -likes & retweets are not equivalents. Develop standards of accountability within your friend group.
3. Listen, and learn: practice intentional listening. Do not listen for the parts of the story that sounds like yours, nor the parts you consider believable. It takes great courage for victims to speak out. Applaud their bravery and give honor by simply listening. 
4. Embrace the discomfort: change is discomforting. It rattles you. It shakes up your world and makes you question worldviews and mindsets you’ve held to firmly.  That is a good thing. This is how you grow and become better.
5. Create safe spaces: hold ‘survivors’ parties’ (sounds a little ridiculous, sure), where young people can come together to share experiences or simply be celebrated for their bravery. Liberians love a good time. Make them meaningful.
6. Be patient: 
   1. Do not rush victims to forgiveness, or ask that they act in a way you consider appropriate. 
   2. While offenders have acted monstrously, they are not monsters. They too exist within and are members of our society. When an offender has done due process, (taken accountability, acknowledged the harm they’ve caused, paid for their offenses), offenders reintegration is necessary. *Recognizing  the  limitations of the Liberian  justice systems, ‘due process’ could never occur.

There is so much to discuss. What does justice look like for victims? How can we effectively support the survivors of the online stories on their journeys of trauma healing? What is the role of religion? How do we instill that human dignities are legal entitlements and not given based on gender, family relations, or somebody we like on instagram? How do we get past ourselves and the distractions (whether it is choosing who we support, or placing blame on blogs for not reposting, or insulting friends and affiliates) and focus on victims upliftment and offenders consequences? What does offender reintegration look like within our society? This article has barely scratched the surface of the complexities of these issues. Here are additional resources to help you (Victims, Offenders, Supporters etc.) learn and better understand the traumatic events of Sexual Exploitation and Abuse: 

• Oudshoorn, J., Amstutz, L. S., & Jackett, M. (2015). The little book of restorative justice for sexual abuse: Hope through trauma. New York: Good Books.
• A., V. D. (2015). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York: Penguin Books.

In the meantime, I challenge young Liberian men to write us (young Liberian women) an open letter. Acknowledging that our experiences are different, that we have been disproportionately victims of SEA, and that you are our allies in the fight for our equal rights. If not, at the very least, and this goes to us all, remember to remember that “all people’s worlds should co-exist with dignity and peace without being subjected to diminishment, exploitation and misery.”

Your favorite Girl-child