MeTooLiberia- Rape & Abuse in Liberia

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault. 

These are stories of brave Liberian women who have been victims of sexual assault and are now publicly calling out their abusers for them to face reckoning and to raise awareness on the prevalence of rape in Liberian communities. 

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My very first memory is of me laying on my back at about 5 years old and feeling the stretch and pain of a teenage boy forcing his penis into my vagina. Can you imagine? My very first memory. This was a distant cousin of mine who my mother had taken in. I cannot tell you now why I didn’t yell. I don’t remember that reason. All I remember is the pain and the feeling of shame and relief I felt when the maid came into the living room and screamed. My mother rushed me to the hospital and I was examined by a nurse. She then told my mom, “The boy used his finger only,” turned to me and said, “Right?” At that moment, I felt I had the perfect opportunity to save myself in my mother’s eyes, so I said “Right.” Looking back, she apparently thought that because my hymen wasn’t broken, but why would she assume that? Why did I feel the need to preserve an image?

The second time I was abused, within a year of that first rape, I was playing with my friends in our compound. We were playing Hide and Seek (the clean version) and I was hiding behind a curtain. My friend’s teenage brother then showed up to where I was hiding, sidled up to me, and put his fingers in my vagina. He told me “shhh” and I did. I can’t tell you why. My therapist said that blocking out traumatic details is a coping mechanism, so maybe that’s why. I told my mother and she reamed into his parents and demanded that he leaves the compound or she would press charges. He left. Years later, I now see him at family events and I still have to call him “Brother.” Everytime I do, I feel like a small thing inside me dies. Because it’s been about 20 years, he becomes “family” again?

The third time I was abused, I was around 8-10 years old. This was another distant cousin. I don’t remember how it started but I know it wasn’t a one time thing. I do remember this one instant where he pulled me into an unlit room in our house, put my hands on his penis, and made me give him a handjob. I did so until he ejaculated. Years later when I had actual consensual sex for the first time and smelled semen, I was automatically transported back to that dark, musty room. 

I have never told my mom about this third abuse. I did not want her to finally agree with what I felt inside, that her daughter was broken. What kind of person attracts so much sexual abuse? I thought there was something about me that these boys saw that made them think, “She wants this.” Logically, I know it’s not my fault. I know that the vile people who violated me are only the ones to blame, not me. But in my soul and bones, I don’t feel that. My whole life after that, whenever I have to spend any time alone with an uncle or a cousin or a friend, I say this fervent prayer: “God, please don’t let this man violate me today.” That’s what I carry around everyday. That’s what your sons, friends, and brothers did to me. That’s what they do to so many other women. Please make them stop.

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I was 18 going on 19 staying at my aunt’s house because I was everybody’s child since my parents passed. I never had a stable home. I’d stay with one aunt for a little while, with my grandma, after she died, my grandpa, then, my other aunt(mom’s baby sister) since my school was closer. Her fiancé was a womanizer. She would cry about him and different women every other day! He was creepy and always looked at me differently(sexually). Around approximately three months of staying with him and my aunt, he started dashing me money, mostly loose change. Being extra nice to me. Didn’t occur to me how it was all in efforts to accomplish his different intentions toward me. So I collected the money always from my ‘uncle’! 

I remember clearly the first time he made a move was this one day when I was home alone in the bathroom taking a bath(we shared one bathroom in the house as the other one was fucked up for a while). He came in from work early, opened the bathroom door and just stood there watching me. Embarrassed, I said “oh uncle ** please close the door, I here hoo”. He said, “oh wait mehn, you small geh?”. I clearly remember how he didn’t close the door or leave for another few minutes and I just stood there covering my privates with the scrub. After that period, it became a literal hell for me as I never got sleep at night. He would leave his woman(my aunt) in their room every night and creep into my room, which I shared with his son(13-15 or so at the time) and try to have his way with me. Every other night was a tussle.

Most nights I literally just laid awake between 11-1am waiting for when he came in so we can fight. This happened for a little over 6months. It was tiring and frustrating back then. And because I didn’t know what I know now, I had only one option and that was to fight him off every night. He never missed a night. He would usually just come into the living room with his computer so my aunt would think he was in there working late. He’d leave the computer on in the living room, then come into my room to try to rape me. I always fought back until I got tired of it one day and with the help of my then best friend, lured him to the police station by seizing his laptop. He was furious. Told the police that I stole his laptop and he wanted it back. Which I provided that same day but then told the police that I had no business with the laptop. This man has tried to sleep with me every night for some months now. I need him to leave me alone! They ignored my claims and passed it around as another stubborn child with an excuse for “stealing the laptop”. When we got home, I went into my aunts room and told her of the incidents prior to the laptop situation. Even told her of how he forcibly kissed me once in his office.

The reason for which I was always adamant about going to his office for food money anymore. Told her about how  after he forced kiss me, I said, “you’re my uncle”! This is so wrong! His exact reply was: “I’m your aunty’s husband. Not your uncle”. Yet, I was still being doubted. She didn’t say out loud that I was lying, but from how I was being Outcasted by her and him thereafter, she didn’t believe I was telling the truth. It was approximately two weeks after all of this had occurred that the little son of my aunt’s fiancé who I shared the room with, on his own, went into her room and told her that I wasn’t lying about his pa. Told her how most nights he’d just lay there with his eyes wide open while I fought his dad off me. In tears, my aunt apologized to me. I told her I didn’t want to live with her no more, and I was moved out into another aunt’s house. Till date, my family still thinks my story was just a cover up for “stealing a laptop”!

Anonymous Sources