Let’s start this off by saying inexplicably that what our fellow men are doing to women in this country, Liberia, is despicable, highly atrocious, and just outright cannibalistic. Yeah, I said it!. We, men who have been subjected to the horrors of abuse, cannot even begin to fathom the psychological trauma these women have faced, are facing, and will continue to face if we, as a country, don’t do something about it. This is common logic. “Since Men are the ones committing these atrocities and inhumane acts against women, then it’s just logical that the remaining Men who have their sanity still intact, and have even a little conscience, should lead the charge to fix this problem.”
Jackson Katz, co-founder of Mentors in Violence Prevention Training Program, puts it in the following words, “Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse have been traditionally seen as women’s issues when it should be men’s issues. Even the language that we use to talk about the violence is gendered to place responsibility on women when it should be on men to change their behavior, and the way harassment is talked about”. Therefore, it is quite clear that we have no other option but to join the fight against Rape and Sexual Abuse, not just as Allies but as champions of the Cause. Now, how can Men become Allies and Champions of the Cause in the fight against Rape and Social Abuse?
In the next few paragraphs, I will be giving my perspective on ways this can be done:
We must redefine our Do’s and Don’ts as Men: It is an open secret that one of the reasons why rape and sexual abuse is prevalent in Liberia is because there are certain harmful actions that Men have grown accustomed to that have been normalized within our culture for a very long time. Therefore, we as Men, must sit down, take deep breaths, and have sober reflections on all the languages and moves that we have grown to use daily, which are definitely inappropriate and offensive to women and try our best to eradicate and replace them. For example, ‘’If grabbing a lady’s buttocks or trying to steal a kiss without her consent has always been our ways of flirting or trying to satisfy our sexual lusts or desires, we must now realize that this is a problem, desist from such habits and now replace that with having a conversation with a lady that entails getting to know her at least, and then getting genuine consent’’.
We should try to understand what Full Legal Consent actually is!: Most times, Men that assault women sexually tend to blame it on alcohol and drugs. Drugs and alcohol can affect people’s ability to decide whether they want to be sexual with someone. Therefore, Men should not use a woman’s vulnerability when she’s a little bit tipsy or under the influence as an opportunity to score some sexual points and do things she wouldn’t probably consent to if she was in a normal state. We should make sure that both parties are in a clear state of mind to enthusiastically say ‘’YES’’.
Resist the urge to flaunt our Masculinity and be influenced negatively by Social Media: It’s the 21st century, and there are a myriad of media forms like TV shows, music, magazines, video games and movies where Men use their physicality as a weapon to coerce women, usually without their consent, leading to overt or subliminal Rape and Sexual Abuse displays and messages. Sometimes, Men tend to allow this fantasy to get to their heads, which gives them the crazy ideas that it is okay to act it out in the real world, which leads to Rape and Sexual Abuse. To such absurd notions, it’s a resounding NO. We must not allow ourselves to fall prey, be influenced, and allow these media forms to dictate our behaviors in society.
Lead Open and Honest Conversations against Rape and Sexual Abuse: One of the best ways to position ourselves as allies in this fight is to have open and honest conversations about this where we discuss the causes, effects our actions have on women and children, and what we can do as a gender to help solve this problem. This will show women that we are ready to own up to our actions, join the fight on the frontlines, and also show other Men who perform these despicable acts that it is totally wrong and that we are against anyone found doing so. We must be able to discuss in safe spaces, what kinds of speech and behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable, have open dialogues that can help break down stereotypes associated with violence against women and allow for self-reflection and improvement as gender in these safe spaces.
Speak OUT and Be a Protector: Every time we Men, see attitudes and behaviors that degrade women and promote a culture of violence but do or say nothing, we are directly aiding and abetting rape and sexual abuse, and this is totally wrong and unacceptable. Therefore, we must speak out against incidents that promote violence against women, call out each other for actions or languages that are offensive to women, and if the need arises, rise to the occasion to defend them physically if we have the power to do so at that moment. I believe that if the combined voices of Men and Women are sounded out and heard by perpetrators, they would be discouraged from such devilish acts.
How can Men become Allies and Champions against Sexual Assault?
By: Darcess Dossen
