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DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THEIR ABILITY TO MAKE YOU APOLOGIZE TO THEM FOR TREATING YOU LIKE SHIT!

ALWAYS LEAVING YOU WITH  SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS: “WAS IT EVEN VALID?”

What if I don’t want to stop loving you?

Why do you make it so hard for me to move on? Effortlessly.

Why are you so emotionally cold? Yet didn’t stop filling me with ideas of “together forever”?

Leaving me like a seed thrown into the garbage after you’ve sucked off what you needed. 

Funny that the peelings of that fruit, proportionate to my walls I held high, crumbled after letting me open up to you in the name of “communication”. Breaking it down into pieces and never lifting a brow.

You opened this wound you were so cognizant of. You took care of it so well and placed a knife in it after. 

Why are you all carrying out this circle of hurt? 

What if my heart couldn’t take it anymore? Why preach of not wanting a third-party yet leaving me alone to deal with the trauma? What if exploding was the only option, destroying us all in the process? Something I’ll so wish you to taste. The spice of hurt. The spice of someone tearing your feelings apart. The spice of feeling your intestines descending in your stomach! Oh, I forgot. Your toxicity has made you so immune to feeling a thing.

So many unanswered questions.

Didn’t you understand the hurt you caused? Didn’t we decide to pour our hearts into this? Was it only my heart entrapped all along?

Always making me feel you were the best thing that ever happened to me! Your features, the eyes, your voice, your scent that mesmerized and pulled out my desire, your bearded chin and your touch, holding my waist and holding me to your chest, your fingers and lips that I do miss for unknown reasons, the thoughts are distressing. Looking into my eyes so inappropriately, I can already feel you within.The early morning messages, countless calls at the early stages, the “I love U” and “I miss U….” texts, these are all so acrimoniously appalling. All because you are a fraud. Feasting off my emotions and vulnerability to get what I could have probably offered.

Why should I always be the one to communicate my feelings when you know absolutely well you’ve messed up? Why when it’s time to listen to me, it’s a different ball game? Why did you think cheating is the only thing that ruins a relationship? Oh yeah, you never failed to ring how you’re not cheating as if I accused you. Or is it that you were doing just that all along? Why couldn’t you listen to my problems? Knowing so well what I was feeling but ignoring them and blaming me for wanting to have a problem. It’s the little things.

Why are you and everyone of them so needy? I should have gotten the red light.

What if I had listened to that one person I needed to know? Would I have been in a better position? Maybe I should embrace the hurts right? One thing’s for sure, they all leave you with experiences so bad yet so good for growth. We still don’t deserve that. It’s high time you know that it’s a relationship not a bank. Why do you guys make it so hard? Prioritizing the wrong things.

Why did it feel like you were waiting for the perfect time I’d fall to leave me on the ground like the most worthless piece of shit you’ve never known? And why make me apologize to you for treating me like shit and discarding me like a used napkin thereafter? Didn’t you appreciate someone you hurt trying to still make things right? That’s so sickening! I feel so disgusted for losing my sense of pride over someone who didn’t value what we had. How could something that felt so real and so damn good amount to something so distressing? Guess two months of knowing someone isn’t actually enough. Though I tried proving otherwise. That’s something for me! But how could you know? 

With all your inconsiderations too, why did you think sex was the only thing you could offer as a partner? Urging to prove your toxic masculinity. Why was I to give you everything else but you, nothing but sex. I’m just more than that. And we all deserve more and it shouldn’t be one-sided. You are all so good at that. Hurting every ounce of our souls and still fulfilling our sensations. What should we expect though?

The Bare Minimum! What a shame!

Maybe the problem is extensively not because the root “Liberian” is attached,  but maybe a factor of the society’s toxic nature as a whole is the problem.

Making many so money-conscious, continually in search of finding a provider and not a partner.

So sex-conscious and objectifying those in love with them as tools or means to an end. Doing nothing to grow a relationship.

Resultantly, giving rise to a breed of creatures who are emotionally unavailable. Not wanting attachment and fearing the act of love.

“WE SHOULDN’T COME AND KILL OURSELVES, JUST WANT TO LOVE AND BE LOVED. IS THAT TOO MUCH?”

Authored by Alphonso Gaye Jr (Alph Junior)

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