Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault. 

I was molested by Nathanial Brumskine Jr. (@natebaba) at the age of 11/12. He was one of those “cousins” by distant relation. He had to be about 16/17 years old at the time. 

It first started with my cousins and I playing piggyback in the basement. I remember that Nathaniel said something along the lines of me being unable to carry him. Being the headstrong  child that I was, I took it as a challenge. I picked him up and placed him on my back. I then remember his arms around my neck. Suddenly, I felt his hand press against my breasts. He quickly left them and I brushed it off because I thought it was an accident.

Later on that evening, I was watching a movie with the rest of my cousins on a big sofa. It was cold, so we were all sharing a big comforter. I remember him inching his hands and placing it in my pants. I froze. I I had an out of body experience and immediately thought that I could not make a scene for my other cousins to know what was happening. I removed his hand from on me but he placed it back near my pants and then whispered “calm down “. For years, I would be triggered by anyone saying those words to me . I remember scooting away from him, trying not to “look suspicious” and then changing seats.  When the movie was over, I went to my sleeping area and silently cried myself to sleep.  I then started to develop this fear that if I told my aunt, she would not believe me. That was also the reason why I never told my parents, for fear of breaking up the family. In hindsight, I realize how that experience has affected my trust and relationships with men.

I have worked so hard on myself to build a healthier view of my sexuality on my own terms. Yet and still, I sometimes still feel anxious meeting new people regardless of relation, and I worry about what they might do to me. I’m thankful though that I am self aware enough to work through this. Most of the time, perpetrators of sexual assault do it not only for the act, but for the POWER. I took that power back.

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Josh GH Edwards is a Rapist

In 2018 Josh, who had been a friend of my family for many years, picked me up to take me out to the club, a common occurrence. My friend was DJ-ing that night so it was bound to be a fun night (or so I thought). I was going through a break up and thought it’d be nice to hang out with my friend and make my ex jealous, essentially kill two birds with one stone. We got a table, just the two of us, and danced and drank the night away. At the end of the night, my friend, the DJ, offered to take me home since we lived really close to each other. Josh got angry and said that he took me out so he was responsible for me and would take me home. My friend asked me numerous times if I was sure I was okay and I said yes because Josh had always been a kind brotherly friend to me. I said I was hungry after we left so we stopped to get food, but then it started snowing heavily. Josh then said, “Since my place is closer, can we go to my place? I’ll sleep on the couch, you can have the room and I’ll take you home in the morning when the snow has stopped and the streets have cleared.” I said okay because that seemed like the logical thing to do. We got to his apartment and he told me that even though there were two rooms in the place, his roommate was visiting Liberia but had locked his room door so it wasn’t accessible. I simply said okay.  I had worn a lace bodysuit  with jeans so I ended up having to take off everything to go to bed which wasn’t an issue seeing as I was supposedly sleeping in the room alone. I woke up some time later and realized he was in the bed with me. Because the bed was really big, I just tried to wrap the bed sheet around myself and moved to the far end of the bed. As soon as he felt me move, he grabbed me and started trying to kiss, grope and touch me. I begged him to stop, but he refused and said, “You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting you”. I told him he was probably just drunk and should forget about this thing. He refused and forced himself on top of me. This back and forth continued for quite some time. I then told him that if he was going to do this to me he should please use a condom. When he got up to get the condom, I tried to run out the door, but it was locked, and it slowed down my attempt to leave the room (to go where? I don’t even know). He grabbed me and told me not to play with him, that he was finally going to have his way. So he put the condom on and forcefully had his way with me. When he was finally done doing everything he wanted to do to me, he got up and took a shower. He said he was going to Staten Island and after that experience, coupled with the fact I was already depressed about my break up, I didn’t want to be alone. I asked him if I could ride with him to SI to see my friend (let’s call her Mary) and he agreed. We rode in silence for most of the drive. When he dropped me off, I confided in my friend (a mutual friend of Josh and I) about everything that had happened. She then told me that he had done the same thing to her but she never said anything. She consoled me and drove me back home later that evening. Two months later, Josh called me and demanded “wWhy did you tell Mary I forced myself on you?” I responded by saying that I told her exactly what happened. He asked why I was telling her my business. I told him that I can tell anyone my business because it’s my business. I called my friend to find out why this was even a topic of discussion and found out that Josh had told his roommate, and Lord know whoever else, that I begged him to do nasty things to me (graphic and disgusting in detail), so when his roommate called her to talk about how her friend (me) is a nasty hopojo, she got angry and told him the actual story. I reached out to Sangary to address Josh because this was something, at the time, I felt responsible for and didn’t want to relive it ever again. I wanted Sangary to make sure Josh understood to never mention it again. I thought that was what I wanted then, but last week I saw a picture of them hanging out together and it made me feel sick. All of the healing I thought I had gone through was undone and everything felt fresh and new. Josh Gh Edwards has done this to multiple women, a few I got to know personally only after he abused, violated and raped me. He came to my house to beg and apologize and I told him all I wanted was to be left alone and not be his friend anymore. But then I started hearing more and more stories of him raping other women, and I felt that my silence enabled him. So, my wish is that by speaking out about my abuse, I can alert every woman who ever comes in contact with him to never trust him and run as fast as they can. 

Anonymously Authored