“Liberian jue them geh problem oh”, was a statement made by a young man ignorant of the fact that the vast majority of Liberians are desperate. One can easily say that Liberian men are accustomed to the misogynistic practices and therefore try to “conquer” as many women as possible because it is how you claim to be a dominant Liberian big-boy. On the other hand, Liberian women are up for some revenge on a hurting ex, seeking financial security, and also trying you prove that they are superior to men. Far too often, these personalities collide in what we will call “Dating in Liberia”.
The introductory quote was by me. I and that young man who was confused as to why women would approach me but expect me to endow their advancements. I am not an expert, but after seventy-something interactions with ladies in Liberia, I began to question whether I was going to marry the Bassa girl of my dreams. So here I am, ready to share what I’ve learned so that the minds of my brothers can be saved from the corruptive grasp of the “Liberian Love.”
First off, forget everything you learned from binge-watching Bollywood movies because dating in Liberia is filled with complexities and torment (mostly stemming from us men, but that is beside the point). My biggest frustration was that none of these ladies were truly single; for them, being single meant juggling 3-4 men because none were “serious.” What they tend to say is “they are just temporarily filling one of the roles that my ideal guy would eventually cover.”
It is a constant struggle for hegemony, between traditional formalities and sense of entitlement conflicting with new age mindsets of relationship goals all coming together to complicate a simple question: “Is this person what I need in my life right now?” However, due to the trauma inflicted by our forefathers who were too caught up in securing a double standard patriarchy and women realize that they have a magical power between their thighs, that one question can be further dissected into two manipulative inquiries: “Is this person an asset?” and “How much can I exploit this person?”. Once an individual finds satisfactory answers to these questions, the next step is to assign you a role within the 3-4 guys puzzle.
Understand that these roles are often not mutually understood because they are based on the differing perspectives of the two parties. Allow me to make it more explicit by using our Liberian koloqua. Whether it be gbelleh, junk, sure-win, dehbag, donkey, seruh something, big jue, shotta, investor, god-pa, big-ma, zor or just “bestie”, these labels are all based on how you are viewed and not what you view yourself as. But don’t worry about picking the right label for a person because the labels often overlap and for all you know, the person you are considering as your “seruh something”, is somebody’s “dehbag”. Therefore, it’s all about being protective of your own self-interests.
Once you understand that every individual attaches labels to people then you are already ahead of the curve. The only thing left is for you to know how to use this mindset when approaching or being approached by Liberian women.
Initially, I was perplexed that the tactics, (such as simply making them laugh and taking them out to eat) that had given me so much success abroad, were falling short of my goals. Exclusivity has almost become a myth in Liberia. This all began with our forefathers, who disregarded the sanctity of monogamy by constantly lusting after multiple lovers. And the table turned with the epiphany had by women which let them know to get the most out of their husbands (whether it be financially, or other means) is pivotal to winning or evening the playing field, young kings.
Approaching aspect of the battle is key and is something I personally had a problem getting used to when I first got back. In America, you see an attractive girl, you go up to her and give her the smoothest lines you can come up with. Then she might give you her number, let you take her out on a date or two and, if you do the right things then you might end up with a place in her heart or in her guts. Either way, this is a universally successful path to romance. In India however, I hear that you could start singing her a song while she is at the marketplace and if she starts dancing and singing along to your tune all you have to do to is a dance for another twenty minutes and then she will end up in your arms. And once again, this is universally considered romantic. But in Liberia, our beloved otherworldly country, if you try any of these methods you will quickly become a “junk”.
Out here the rules are turned on its head. The whole process starts off with a lie which manifests itself in the words of “I Just want be your friend.” Then based on her rating of you coupled with the consistency of your phone calls you may make it to the next step which may include taking her to a spot and buying her drinks.
But I say to you gentlemen, to hell with all that nonsense of giving them all the power. Reclaim your sense of self and create an image of yourself in her mind before you even say a word to her. Now for those of you reading this and thinking that I am promoting you to carry a lock of her hair under the ocean, THUNDA FIYAH you and you have no reason to be around women in the first place. I’m saying, take advantage of your own unique personality traits and try to differentiate yourself from whatever label she could possibly put on you. Most of these women try to act smart and put all men in one category but what I advise is to flip that on its head and force her to question if all women can be put in one category too. This is where the masses will divide themselves and the ones that don’t have much depth in their own thought processes will expose themselves and fall back (that is a good thing because you don’t need the dependent type in your life anyway). Then you take it a step further and steer clear of any possible introductions of alcohol in the first few interactions and pick their brains while they’re sober to look for character traits that are not in line to what you are looking for. Try to see if she can get intimate without alcohol involved too because that can tell you a lot about her. Finally, pay attention as to when and how she asks for things because right here is where she exposes how she has labeled you. If she asks for you to pay for her new hair within days of meeting, just know you already losing pekin. If she constantly complaining to you about being hungry, just start looking for a job with WFP (World Food Program).
A key thing to remember in all of this that Liberian girls like to act like they are not sexual beings so, sometimes, you really have to gauge yourself and not listen to the first two “leeme ay” as that is all part of the formality (the third is more than likely her actually turning down your advancements. Stay woke, guys. Don’t get #MeToo-ed).
Use all these tricks and tools and you will liberate yourself from the toxic mental slavery that these women have put us Liberian Kings in for so long. In conclusion, finding the right girl is hard in this country and most times you can get caught up in this mess if you are not careful. But hey, if your goal is just to kick it with a girl because she is cool but you aren’t thinking about making her your wife, it’s okay to cheat because chances are, she is cheating too and if she isn’t cheating then just buy her a little gift every time you get caught. Legal disclaimer: I cannot be held responsible for the repercussions you might deal with if you take my advice(s). Heed at your own risk.
Authored by Comlan Wesseh
Featured Picture by womantales.ru